2019-End of Year

I've been putting off writing this entry, for obvious reasons. 2019 started out pretty great and was going great until summer hit me with unexpected heartbreak. We went on an amazing vacation to Missouri in July. The only thing that would have made it better was having Brooklen and Rob there the entire time. They stayed back for all-star baseball and I was so bummed about it. I remember walking down through the resort to the pool with my dad on the first or second day telling him how sad I was that they were missing the vacation and I could tell that my dad was equally upset about it. He had such a sad, pained look on his face; he felt so connected to Brooklen and it was tough to not have him there. Well, we received a bit of a miracle. Brooklen's team lost their second game on Wednesday night and they were able to fly out Thursday morning and spend the last couple of days of vacation with us. We packed everything in we could: fishing, swimming, paddleboarding, gaming, and we saw an awesome Dolly Parton show. When we entered the theatre, they took our picture. We all rolled our eyes about it and did our best to smile. We had to sit on the other side of theater from my mom and dad because they had bought Brooklen and Rob's tickets late. When my mom texted me and asked me to buy the photos for $45, I thought it was funny, but I did it anyway. Little did any of us know that it would be the last photo of my entire family together. On Friday, we went to an indoor adventure park. We did a ropes course, zip-lined, rock-climbed, and played laser tag. The kids loved it. On Saturday, we headed back home. The plane rides home were horrible. Long layovers and delays made it miserable and I had such about a bad attitude about the whole thing. I sent a few annoyed texts back and forth to my parents. They felt horrible that it took us so long to get back to Michigan. On Sunday, it was my dad's birthday. The kids face timed him and I said a quick, "happy birthday." I was still a little annoyed about the flight back home and he had a huge meeting with an international company for Superior Silica on Tuesday, so I knew I'd talk to him later in the week. On Monday, I remember feel an urge to call him, but I reminded myself that he was preparing for the meeting and he'd have more to tell me AFTER the meeting. On Tuesday morning, I got my girls up and took them to the gym early. I then went over to Melissa Wall's house to talk about Relief Society. We were supposed to have a presidency meeting later in the day, but I wouldn't be able to attend because I had offered to help a friend pack for a move. On my way home, about 9:30am, my mom called me. I didn't think twice about the fact that it was only 6:30 in Arizona, which is weird because usually a call early or late causes my anxiety level to rise. I picked up the phone and my mom told me that my dad had died. What? Why? How? My mind started spinning, my eyes were dry from shock, and I could barely think of what to say. My mom didn't know much and couldn't say much either so somehow we ended the call and I stumbled into my house to tell Brooklen. I'll be honest, most of the next couple of weeks are a complete blur. I'm still not quite sure how my heart survived those moments of pain and I'm still not totally sure how it is going to survive the years to come without my dad. Dear Dad, If you would have told me this is how this year would have ended, I would have kicked and screamed and told you you were wrong. The truth is, I don't think I would ever have been ready to let you go. Not at 110, not at 85, and certainly not at 67. You were always my anchor. You were the one person who I felt never judged me and who always saw me as I could be, not how I actually was. In your journal, you wrote, "Adrienne will always be a doll." I know that no matter what mistakes I made or how I acted, you always believed this. You always loved me with all your heart and savored every second you got to spend with me. So the question now is, "how do I go on in this world without you?" I've had this dreadful feeling for the last few months that keeps gnawing at me. I feel like just because you are gone, nothing is ever going to be as good as it could have been. My happiness will always be a little bit dull. It sort of feels like every great thing will only hit 95% from now on, instead of 100%. And I'm not really sure how to cope with these feelings. I have moments of joy with my family, but then it's all kind of spoiled as I start worrying about you and whether or not you feel sad you are missing out.

2019 Week 8

Well, here we are in 2019, already at the end of February and this is my first post. Life has been joyful and busy lately; we are in that stage of life where our kid's activities dictate our schedule. It's crazy and busy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. One of my favorite things is watching my kids grow and develop. This is Kaiton's first official year of playing sports. He is doing his third hockey skill development session right now and he loves every minute of it. He talks loudly throughout the entire class and he has a smile on his face the whole time. I am impressed with how hard he works and how well he listens. He is also starting t-ball in about a month and he can't wait to play on his own baseball team. This is all especially exciting because he has spent so much time at his siblings' sports events. I also had his parent-teacher conference at school this week. He is incredibly bright. I'm not sure how we are going to keep him engaged in grade school. He is already doing multiplication and he has such a strong ability to focus. The pictures that he draws are so detailed and precise. I'm going to really miss him next year, but he is so ready to start full-day school. Zaya continues to impress me with her ability to stay positive. She is such a strong girl; she doesn't care what other people think or do . . . she does what she wants and what she feels is right. She is incredibly compassionate, but she doesn't like to receive attention for it. I love that she is nice because she wants to be and not because she wants others to take notice. She is doing awesome in school and her teacher loves her cute little personality. She is competing level 4 at gymnastics and although the competition season has been a bit rough, she continues to have an unwavering positive attitude. We recently started her again in physical therapy and it has helped uncover some challenges that she deals with is the sport; we all believe that it will help a lot. Hurley is our passionate child. That girl has more passion and grit than anyone I know. When she wants something, she gets it; nothing can stop her. She is always a favorite of her teachers and this year is no different. She excels in everything she does and a lot of that has to do with her dedication. She is a big help around the house and she has also taken to learning her way around the kitchen. She is very good at baking and I can give her a recipe and ask her to make something for me and it comes out awesome every time. Just yesterday, I was running behind, so I asked her to make muffins. With no help from me, she produced a fabulous batch of chocolate zuchinni muffins. Brooklen is our kid that is always doing the right thing. He is such a big help; he babysits Kaiton nearly every day after school while I take the girls to the gym and he NEVER complains. He is rock solid with his good habits. He comes right home and does homework, he practices his sports every day, and he reads 3 pages in the scriptures nightly. I'm not sure how he became such a good kid (I'm sure his Dad had a lot to do with it), but I am so proud to be his mom. He is getting straight A's in school and he has had a great hockey season. His coach recently said that he understands the game of hockey better than anyone on his team. He is such a smart kid; not only is he bright, but he understands strategy and has very good common sense.

2018 Week 37

I Kaiton finally started preschool again this week. He has been looking forward to this day pretty much since the end of the last year of preschool. He was a little nervous when I took him into the building on Monday, but his teachers said that he did amazing. He remembered several of the little boys from last year and she said that he had a blast playing with them. I spent the first two days of his school getting some work done at a coffee shop. I was able to start working on my photography blog again (finally!) and I spent a little bit of time trying to learn bookkeeping. Man! I really, really want to learn how to bookkeep so that I can have a way to challenge my brain, but it is tough. I think I've not used that part of my brain for so long that it is a struggle to try to get it up and running again! I wanted to post a few photos of the kids on their first days of school. Brooklen's school day starts so early, that unfortunately, it was dark and I didn't get the best photo:

2018 Week 35

Wow! I have been incredibly bad about updating this journal this year. I guess my excuse is that is takes too much time, but really, I know that's a terrible excuse. Also, I feel like when I sit down to write, I am at a loss for words and I just end up recording what we have done recently. Unfortunately, that's not really the direction that I want to go. What I'd rather be recording is significant events, memories, and experiences that I really want to remember. So . . . here I go again trying to recommit to writing in here and to write what I want to remember. The kids start school again in 2 days. Brooklen starts middle school (6th grade), Hurley will be in 4th grade, Zaya in 2nd, and Kaiton will begin his last year of preschool (YIKES)! We've had a little hiccup at the end of this summer as Zaya, Brooklen, and I were somehow exposed to poison ivy and are desperately trying to get rid of it. Zaya's body is completely covered, while Brooklen and I have a milder case. Interestingly, this is the 2nd time this summer that Zaya and I have had a rash from poison ivy. Below are a couple of things that I want to keep in here. The first is a talk that Hurley wrote today. We've been trying to have the kids write most of their talks themselves. Brooklen gave one a few weeks ago in primary. He found a story from an old conference talk and retold it and bore is testimony about the lesson it taught. Today, Hurley gave a talk about service. Hurley's talk: I can serve God with all my heart, mind, might, and strength. I can serve with my heart by caring enough about others so that I want to help them. when you want to help others you’ll do it more often.Then soon it’ll start being constant. I can serve with my mind by learning to recognize when others need help. if someone is lonely take that chance to serve others and the Lord. I can serve with my might and strength by working hard to help others. A couple of years ago me and my family shoveled my neighbors driveway because they were at the hospital with a sick kid. All acts that show kindness no matter how big or small wil,l ALWAYS make you feel good.and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ Amen. As Brooklen has been preparing to enter middle school, I have felt the desire to share so many bits of wisdom that I have learned with him. Tonight, I compiled a lot of it into a list that I'm going to give him tomorrow: 1.You will experience joy from new friendships and sadness from ending friendships. If a group of kids don’t make you feel loved or don’t respect who your are, they aren’t worth it. Throughout your lifetime, friends will come and go. People are brought into your life to teach valuable lessons and no matter how hard the lesson was, be thankful. You will be wiser for it. 2. Be brave, be a leader. Pave your own path and be proud of who you are. It’s okay to be different. Everyone is trying hard to be cool. It’s more important to be you and not sacrifice who you are and what you believe in to fit in. 3. Be confident! It’s not cocky to embrace your strengths (and you have a lot of them)! 4. Brush your teeth, wear deodorant, and wash your face in the morning and at night. Also, it’s not a bad idea to get into the habit of wearing sunscreen every day. 5. Looking people in the eyes will get easier with practice. So . . . practice, practice, practice. 6. Always pat a teammate on the back when they put their chin down. 7. Chew with your mouth closed. 8. Hold doors. Say please and thank you.  Try using “you’re welcome” instead of “no problem” because serving others isn’t a chore. Develop a firm handshake but not too firm and certainly not limp. 9. Pray. Read your scriptures. Trust me; so many blessings will come to you if you continually strengthen your testimony. 10. It’s normal to feel like you’re the only one feeling awkward (you’re not). 11. Always choose kindness. ALWAYS! When you see someone who is alone, don’t assume someone else is going to come and be a friend to them. Go be a friend to them first. 12. Talk to your parents. We are always your safe place to land. We love you more than everything and we want you to be happy. We’ve also been through this all before so sometimes our wisdom is probably worth listening to.

2018 Week 19

Today was Mother's Day. Mother's Day is always such a good reminder to me of how special and wonderful my kids are. They love celebrating me on this day and they are always so excited to give me their sweet gifts. They are also getting old enough that the words that they write in their cards are thoughtful and meaningful and super heartfelt. I can't express how much I love my family. Each of my children are such a gift. They each have their own personality and talents and I hope that I can help them feel that they are special for who they are. My goal right now is to be less cynical and less critical and to instead try to see the good in people and in situations. I don't think that this will be an easy shift, but I'm hoping that the challenge will be worth it.

2018 Week 17

This week I really need to post some photos that I recently took of the girls.  Since it takes me a really long time to post the photos, I don't have much time to write.  I did, however, want to record a few things about Kaiton.  He is at such a fun age.  He is impressionable and so, so smart.  A couple of days ago, he randomly told me that he had figured out how to spell "octopus."  It's "O-D-P," he said.  Wow!  I was super impressed by his thought process on that and that he would even think to try to figure that out ("OCT-DO-PUS").

Kait is also super thoughtful about the things he learns at church.  He asks a ton of questions about the resurrection, about Jesus, and about Holy Ghost.  Today at church, he saw the picture of Christ where he is surrounded by angels.  He asked,"who is that?"  I told him it was Jesus and he was very confused.  "Why is he old," he asked.  I tried to explain that Jesus was an adult when he died, but it was very confusing to him.  He will probably be asking about it for the next week.

On another note, Hurley had her gymnastics state meet on Friday.  She was super nervous and grumpy about it before.  But, in the eleventh hour, at her very last practice, she finally got her kips with straight arms, and she was rock solid her entire meet.  She medaled in beam, floor, and took 8th in the all-around.  Even more exciting, she got pr's on bars and vault for the year and an all-time pr in the all-around.  I was most proud of her for being brave.  Seriously, it makes my heart swell to see her out there conquering her fears!

And a few of Zaya:

And a couple more of Hurley:

2018 Week 14

This past week was Spring Break.  We decided to take a break from the freezing Michigan weather and let my parents fly us out to Arizona.  Of course it did snow in Midland the entire time we were gone, so that made the 90 degree Arizona extra great.

We flew in on Saturday night.  We headed to In N Out on the way home and then colored Easter eggs back at my parents house.

On Sunday it was a triple holiday: April Fools, Easter, and General Conference Sunday.  The kids had an awesome time with their cousins.  They did an Easter Egg hunt (they all made a ton of money from it and it had a twist . . . 5 of the eggs had horse poop in them . . . April Fools!), made Perler bead crafts, and constructed some cool rockets.  After conference, we had an April Fools snack (rice crispy chicken nuggets and pound cake fries) and a nice Easter dinner.  It was a really good day with family.

On Monday, I can't remember what we did, but I know it was fun!!For FHE, we took the horses to a big park and grilled hamburgers and hotdogs while we rode horses. My dad even talked me into riding one!  My dad is planning to sell all of his horses this next year, and so it was pretty bittersweet for all of us having all of the kids ride them one last time.

On Tuesday night, Kenzie, Jami and I went to Last Chance.  My mom watched the little kids and the big boys all went to a Diamondbacks game.  Brooklen, Rob, and my Dad had gotten to the ballpark really early to watch warmups and Brooklen got chosen to go out on the field during the game and do a timed race to second base and back.  It was so exciting! He won a 25 dollar Frys gift card (he sold it to Ethan) and got such a great opportunity.  The only qualification was that they told him that he had to take his Tigers hat off (haha).

On Wednesday, we hiked the wind caves.  Kenzie had her three older kids and we brought all of our kids.  It was super hot outside, but all of the kids did great.  Kaiton and Cooley hiked the entire time by themselves.  In the afternoon, the kids swam in the pool and then we went to Backyard Taco and Bahama Bucks for dinner.

On Thursday morning, Rob and I took Brooklen, Kaiton, Jayden, and Parker to TopGolf.  It was so much fun!  Brooklen even beat Rob on the second game!  My mom took the girls to get manicures and pedicures . . . they felt so grown up!  In the afternoon, we went to KTR, and action sport center.  The kids loved tumbling, jumping, climbing, and slack-lining.  At night, we dinner outside and the kids all played.

On Friday, we went with Kenzie's family to see the Greatest Showman at the dollar theater.  At night, we all met up at Mod Pizza to eat and then went out for frozen yogurt after.  We flew out Saturday morning.  What a fun trip!  It's hard for the kids to come back to real life after having so much fun with family all week.  I'm so grateful that my parents were willing to fly us out for Spring Break.