2017- Week 35

School starts on Tuesday and I am a little sad to send my kids back, but I think that they are totally ready to learn again. I can't believe that Brooklen is going to be a 5th grader this year! It's crazy to think that I still remember those days when it was just him and I all day. If only I would have realized how free I was back then! Sometimes I just wish I could do it all over again so that I could completely appreciate that time. I took some pictures earlier this summer after Hurley was baptized. I'm finally getting around to posting them.

Week 33

The summer is coming to an end. We have two weeks of no school left and although I think we are all ready for school to start, it will be bittersweet. I've enjoyed the time that we have been able to spend at the pool, the beach, the library and other fun places in Midland. I do feel a bit guilty though, because this summer has been a little hard for me. We've had a lot going on and with the different age's of my kids, its getting hard to satisfy everyone at once. Kaiton still loves playing at parks and Brooklen is definitely not entertained by those types of activities. The highlights of the past week or two are: 1) I shot a wedding and I am SO GLAD IT IS OVER. I will not be shooting weddings anymore. I just don't have it in me. I don't like the pressure, being away from my family, or the fact that I am always underwhelmed by my wedding work. I feel quite a weight lifted off of me to have that be all over. 2) Brooklen had his birthday party at the Loons game. He invited Jake, Ethan, Carter, and Jordyn. They had an awesome time eating dinner and watching the game. 3)We spend a day at Tawas and it was so fun. We rented a stand-up paddle board for the first time and we all loved it! Then, we ate at a little Mexican place and then played at the State Park. So fun! 4) We took a day off of work and gymnastics to head to Bay City State Park and play at the beach. 5) We went blueberry picking for FHE. I also have to report that since being given a Father's blessing, Hurley has done much better with her emotions and anxiety and Brooklen has been able to not wet the bed. I love Rob so deeply and I am so grateful that he is a worthy priesthood holder. I love that my kids are seeing how the priesthood can work miracles in their lives.

Week 31

This post will be short and sweet. Honestly, I don't have much energy lately to record much. It has been great having the kids home this summer. I really can't express how much I love them. They are my heart and souls; I am so grateful that Rob and I have the chance to raise them. But, with the opportunity to raise them, comes a tremendous amount of responsibility and it scares me sometimes. I know that the world that my kids are being raised in is scary. There is still a lot of good and light out there, but it more difficult than ever to see it sometimes. Hurley has struggled this summer. At first I thought it was just a phase, and then I was convinced it was anxiety, but I think after reading several books, that she has OCD and I yearn to help her leave the trap that is taking her little brain and making life sometimes so miserable for her. My once free and confident daughter has become immersed in self-doubt, rituals, and the compulsion to always have perfection. I have so much hope for her and I know that if I do enough research, I can help her through this. Today, Rob gave her a priesthood blessing. We are trying to be loving and positive, but like all parents, sometimes we falter out of frustration. My daily prayers have turned to pleas to my Father in Heaven to help relieve her of this and to help guide Rob and I as we work with her to overcome this.

Week 27-28

We left 2 Sundays ago for our summer vacation with my family. We left Midland really early in the morning and flew to Los Angeles. We arrived in California around lunchtime and my dad and Ethan picked us up from the airport and took us to the rental house to meet everyone else. We decided to stay in Anaheim since we were doing 2 Disney days and I am really glad we did. It was so nice to be so close to the theme park so we didn't have a long drive home after the long Disney days. On Sunday afternoon, the kids swam in the awesome pool (it had a lazy river and a rock waterslide) and had fun exploring the house and their new rooms. The girls room was princess themed and the boys room was car themed. On Sunday evening, my mom made some amazing carne asada tacos and we had a short family home evening. On Monday, we woke up early and headed out to Disneyland. The kids had so much fun this time around. Brooklen and Hurley could ride all of the rides and Zaya, Maeli, and Milo could ride most of them. I'm not so into the roller coasters these days, so I volunteered to take the little boys to lots of rides while the men and the big kids did the thrill rides. We stayed late on Monday night so that we could see the Disney firework show. The kids really enjoyed it, so it was totally worth any grumpiness we had to deal with the next day. Tuesday was the 4th of July. My cousin Cinco, and his wife, Amy had invited us over to their home in Agoura Hills for a barbecue that day. It was so nice to see Cinco and Amy. I haven't seen them since I lived in Los Angeles when I was in my twenties; they are such wonderful people. The kids had a blast swimming in their pool and they were especially excited that Cinco had a big pile of Despicable Me merchandise for them to take home! On Wednesday, we had another early theme park day. This time, we went to Universal Studios. I hadn't been to Universal since I was a kid and I was pleasantly surprised with how fun it was. My favorite thing was the studio tour and the Butter Beer at Harry Potter Land (we unsuccessfully tried to copy it for Sunday dinner a few days later). On Thursday, we spent the day at the rental house. It was so much fun. The kids spent almost the entire day in the pool. In the evening, Ethan, my dad, Rob, and Brooklen went to a Dodgers vs Diamondbacks game. They ate Dodger dogs, got free bobbleheads, and Brooklen got to spend the Dodger stadium gift card that Ethan had given him for his birthday. The rest of us stayed back at the house and ate In n Out and then watched movies. Ryan, Kenzie, Hunter, and I stayed up late talking. On Friday, we went to Disneyland again. We spent most of the day at California Adventure, but we went back over to Disney later in the evening. On Saturday, we went to see Despicable Me 3 at this awesome theater that had reclining seats. I felt like a queen! It was really fun to see Cinco's movie together as a family! Afterwards, we went back to the house and swam for the rest of the day. I made pizza on the grill for dinner. Sunday morning we woke up really early and drove to Arizona. At 2:30, Rob's mom got in to Arizona. We baptized Hurley at 5:00pm and then we went back to my parents house for dinner and dessert. We also got to meet Jami, Ethan's fiance and her 2 boys, Parker and Jayden. They immediately got along really well with Brooklen and she is a real sweetheart. The baptism was really sweet. Annette and my mom spoke, Maeli, Hurley, and Zaya sang, "When I am Baptized," my dad conducted and Brooklen and Hurley said the prayers. Hurley is such a sweet girl and I am so excited for her and proud of her that she decided to be baptized. We had steak, potatoes, rolls, and caesar salad for dinner and my mom made cookies and ice cream sundaes for dessert. On Tuesday, we went to a trampoline park in the morning. Jami and her boys came and Annette was also with us. Afterwards, we went to lunch with my dad and Ethan and then we all went back to my parent's house to swim. My mom made really good tacos for dinner and then we took Annette back to the airport. Kim wasn't able to come because he just finished his stem cell transplant. I was grateful that Annette made it a priority to come out and that she was able to leave Kim for the day. We enjoyed our time with her. On Monday night, the kids played and rode horses before bed. The girls spent the night at Kenzie and Ryan's house. On Wednesday, we spent the day at home swimming and playing. My mom and I also took Brooklen, Hurley, and Kaiton to feed the ducks. At night, the boys took the kids to Chick Fil A for free chicken day and my mom, Kenzie, and I went to Last Chance. I was so sad to leave my family. I just love my time with them, but it was nice to come back home. One thing that was interesting on a trip was that several of us got to spend much needed time with Hunter. He isn't going to church right now and doesn't live the exact same values as the rest of us, but while we were on vacation, I had several strong feelings that I just needed to let him know how much I love him. I can't control the decisions he makes, but I know he is a good person and I want him to be a part of my life. I was so grateful for the chance to express my love for him.

Week 25

I took some pictures of Brooklen, Hurley, and Rob playing on the bed a few weeks ago and I am finally getting around to posting them:

2017- Week 24

It's late and I am tired, but I had to sit and record a sweet moment from this week that I want to remember.  While the kids were getting ready for the bus earlier this week, I noticed that Hurley pulled out a paper from her backpack and was holding it. I asked her about it, and at first she didn't want to show it to me.  A few minutes later she came back to me and wanted me to read it and asked if I thought it was good.  It said, "Get Well Soon" on the front and the inside said something like, "Dear Mr. Eastman, thanks for being our bus driver.  We really appreciate it, well at least I do. Love, Hurley"

Apparently their bus driver has been gone for about a week.  In class, Hurley decided to make him that sweet card.  I love that girl.  Even though she is tough as nails and is super feisty, she is also kind, loving, and compassionate.

2017- Week 23

I've been meaning to sit down and write this post for about a week, but I just didn't have the words.  I'm still not sure if I'll be able to find the words I want to write this post, but I am going to try.  A little over 2 weeks ago, I was having an ordinary morning, doing the laundry, cleaning my kitchen, and prepping for our evening activities.  I hopped on Instagram and my heart almost stopped as I read a post from one of my dearest friends, Brittni Schroeder.  She posted a picture of Christ hugging a teenage boy, with the caption: "I know that my Redeemer lives and is ready to embrace you, sweet boy of mine."  I knew immediately that something was very, very wrong and I had no doubt that there was something wrong with her oldest son, Gage.  My anxiety level rose very fast and I sent her a text saying, "Britt, what happened?"  I then tried to get a hold of Teryn and when she didn't answer, I desperately called her husband, Rob.  I knew she wouldn't know what was going on and that she probably hadn't seen it, but I needed someone to talk to.  As I was asking Rob Jensen if he had seen the text, a text came through from Brittni letting me know that Gage had shot himself and that they were waiting to donate organs and then he would pass.  I started bawling on the phone and Rob relayed the message to Teryn and told me that she would call me write back.  I spent the rest of the week so preoccupied with feelings of sadness and despair.  Brittni was like a sister to me when we lived in Canton.  I loved Gage so much.  Britt's kids were part of our family.  So many memories, so much time together, and yet I can hardly remember specific details about all the things we did together.  Gage was electric; he was outgoing, smart as a whip, and was sure to be something great.  Everyone knew that about him.

The funeral was in El Paso and while I wanted to go, I elected not to because of timing and cost and logistics.  I still kind of regret not going out there for it, but there is nothing I can do about it now.  I did, however, suck up my fear of flying alone and flew out to Utah for the viewing and burial.  I left on a Thursday morning at like 4 in the morning and was back at 5:30 the next day.  It was a long two days of flying and traveling, but I am so glad I made the trip just to hug Brittni and Adam and cry with them.  When my flight got in to Utah, Teryn and I went out to lunch and then went to her house and changed and then drove 2 hours to Delta.  We went to Brittni's mom's house and hung out for a couple of hours, but she was pretty busy and so we didn't talk much to her.  It didn't really both me that we didn't get much time with her.  Really, I flew there to hold her hand and cry with her.

The viewing was devastating.  Watching the video that they played was so painful.  So many of the pictures included were of the Gage that I remember.  I was there with them.  I remember those moments.  I miss him.  I still don't know very many details about the event.  I am still wrapped up in worrying about how Brittni and Adam are grieving.  I hope they won't lose themselves.  I hope they will be okay.  I hope their two younger kids will be okay.

Since Gage's death, I've held my babies so close, so many times.  I can't even imagine the pain that Brittni and Adam feel.  My family is my everything, they are my world.  I've had so many moments the past 2 weeks were I've just held Brooklen in my arms and not wanted to let him go.  I took pictures of Brooklen and Hurley today just being super silly.  They were both in a really funny mood and were posing for me.  I keep reminding myself that I need to be better at taking pictures, recording memories and embracing the moment.  I also need to remember what's most important.  It is so easy for my priorities to get confused and for me to put other things before my family.  Hearing memories from Gage's very full and compassionate life and also watching Brittni and Adam experience a parent's worst nightmare has inspired me to be better.  To be a better mother, a better wife, a better friend.wee